Things are moving right along [but slowly at the same time] and in my excitement I have literally made Books a Million a daily stop. I just want to read everything!
However, it has really done me some harm. Every book I read talks of the MANY different ways and symptoms of miscarriages… I know every new mom must go through this, but now the thought of a miscarriage has got me so anxious and worried that it's become not so fun at the moment. I know that God's will be done. And I truly accept that but I know I'd be devastated and no matter what, I can't get the fear off my mind. I've had too many friends recently deal with miscarriages. I heard so many stories and now these books… literally driving me crazy with worry.
I felt so bad and exhausted I guess from all the changes that are going on the first of the week but on Wednesday, everything just stopped – I felt great - no food aversions, no exhaustion…nothing.
As dumb as it sounds, this even began to worry me as I had read some where (Again with the books that I probably shouldn't have read this early) that a sudden stop in symptoms could mean you may have miscarried.
Uh oh… here comes even more worry… I'm such a complete freak sometimes… Since that night I had to do some shopping for my niece's and nephew's Christmas presents I decided to pick up a digital PG Test while I was out. Because I had also read that your tests will come up negative if you have miscarried. [I'm not making this up – I really did worry that much]
When I got to Mom and Dad's I dropped the sacks on the floor and went straight to the bathroom to take the test. When I came out they were looking at me like "What is going on???"
Very relieved, I said "well, I'm still pregnant [we'll add a dramatic sigh here – ha ha]."
They looked at me like "you don't say! (Sarcastically)"
Right about that time Aunt Sheila called and mom was telling her that I was freaking out.
Aunt Sheila asked mom to put me on the phone where she proceeded to tell me about her almost dying of Toxemia while she was pregnant with Leah and all that could have went wrong but didn't. Leah will be 21 in December. She ended it with "SO, you stop that [worrying]!!!" using the funny and kind but getting on to me tone that she uses when she gets after us.
It's so nice to have family that loves you enough and is willing to pop you upside the head [with words of course – or literally if need be] to put some kind of sense in you. Thanks Aunt Sheila! It really helped hearing that.
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