Another Peep Into My Internal Organs!

The Black Spot is the Brain!

From Dax

Another Peep Into My Internal Organs!

Baby is growing!! I tried to recognize head from tail but that's about impossible. It's still fun to try. Baby had a rapid heartbeat - good.

There was not a second speck or flicker this time so it appears there will only be one little sweet pea. It appears the second was under developed and just not viable.

I'm not upset like I thought I would be which is good but I almost feel guilty for being strangely apathetic - I guess it is because I expected it, and what's meant to be is meant to be. God had other plans. And for now that is for me to be carrying one healthy baby. So much to be thankful for. I feel as if it would be wrong for me to be upset. We've truly got a little blessing on our hands.

Interesting too, because if you'd have mentioned twins to me a year ago, I'd have passed out or freaked out. But when faced with the possibility of never having children… triplets even sounds doable. ; ) [yeah I know… brave statement now that I know there's only one. Ha ha]

From Dax

Very Cool!

I had my first ultrasound today. The U/S tech asked me if I saw it and I made the sound of excitement (I guess because she obviously saw it even though I hadn't yet – and still couldn't) So a little disappointed and confused I said... "No."

Then she said "see the flicker" and I got really excited again that I about jumped off the table and said "I see it! I see it!" It was absolutely the coolest thing ever! Even though it still wasn't really much to look at – ha ha.

Seeing the heartbeat was amazing and over joying. It reminded me of a frog filling up its stomach with air and letting it out. I have a picture of what I'm calling "sweet pea" or my "little parasite"

After I finally was shown what I was looking at there appeared to be two, but one was much smaller. Doctor had already asked if identical twins run in our family (I thought she was just playing with me) and when I said no – I didn't hear much else from her about it – it's almost as if she had all the sudden been confined to what she could say – very strange. Later, when I got my HCG levels and Progesterone level results in – they were seriously higher than what I had been told was normal.

So worried – again – that something was wrong with my little sweet pea, I got on the internet and "googled" to see what would cause my HCG levels to be 3 times the normal. I couldn't believe what I read… "multiples." I would say I was terrified and/or excited about thinking back to what that nurse said, what I "thought" I saw and what I was reading, but the second tiny white mass I saw didn't have a flicker. I tried to call and get them to tell me and I didn't get a lot of explanation, only we'll see you in a week. Great, what a seriously looooonggg week this is going to be.

From Dax

Mom and Dad Leave for Brazil

Today I took Mom and Dad to the Airport at 3:30 a.m.

They are going to Brazil to visit Brian, Emma Brown, Natalie Ellen, Owen, and Claire with little Isaac still in Emma Brown's belly (he's due in February). I really wish I was going with them, but maybe next time.

They will not be back until Christmas Eve and Clint and I will be staying at their house to take care of the horses, and Boss while they're gone.

Get a Grip Please

Things are moving right along [but slowly at the same time] and in my excitement I have literally made Books a Million a daily stop. I just want to read everything!

However, it has really done me some harm. Every book I read talks of the MANY different ways and symptoms of miscarriages… I know every new mom must go through this, but now the thought of a miscarriage has got me so anxious and worried that it's become not so fun at the moment. I know that God's will be done. And I truly accept that but I know I'd be devastated and no matter what, I can't get the fear off my mind. I've had too many friends recently deal with miscarriages. I heard so many stories and now these books… literally driving me crazy with worry.

I felt so bad and exhausted I guess from all the changes that are going on the first of the week but on Wednesday, everything just stopped – I felt great - no food aversions, no exhaustion…nothing.

As dumb as it sounds, this even began to worry me as I had read some where (Again with the books that I probably shouldn't have read this early) that a sudden stop in symptoms could mean you may have miscarried.

Uh oh… here comes even more worry… I'm such a complete freak sometimes… Since that night I had to do some shopping for my niece's and nephew's Christmas presents I decided to pick up a digital PG Test while I was out. Because I had also read that your tests will come up negative if you have miscarried. [I'm not making this up – I really did worry that much]

When I got to Mom and Dad's I dropped the sacks on the floor and went straight to the bathroom to take the test. When I came out they were looking at me like "What is going on???"

Very relieved, I said "well, I'm still pregnant [we'll add a dramatic sigh here – ha ha]."

They looked at me like "you don't say! (Sarcastically)"

Right about that time Aunt Sheila called and mom was telling her that I was freaking out.

Aunt Sheila asked mom to put me on the phone where she proceeded to tell me about her almost dying of Toxemia while she was pregnant with Leah and all that could have went wrong but didn't. Leah will be 21 in December. She ended it with "SO, you stop that [worrying]!!!" using the funny and kind but getting on to me tone that she uses when she gets after us.

It's so nice to have family that loves you enough and is willing to pop you upside the head [with words of course – or literally if need be] to put some kind of sense in you. Thanks Aunt Sheila! It really helped hearing that.