I'm going to leave this to remind Dax (you) who you are/were in this moment and the past year. Though you may be reading it off a thumb drive,; assuming a giant solar blast hasn't knocked out technology all together... What I learned and what caught me by surprise. My hopes and prayers for you in this moment so when even I look back I can see where I TOTALLY as you say often of late have an: "EPIC WIN" Or as you also say " EPIC FAIL!" Which I do not approve of the later if you're saying it to anyone other than your "Mom."
My Man,
Let's start with the most apparent. You in this moment are using teenage words. Like "Wicked Cool, Dude! or Hey Dude! Epic Win or Fail" and the worse... you went from calling me Mama to "Mom." Though I'm okay with you saying these things around me, you are never surprised when I correct you if and when you are speaking to others in this manner that sounded inappropriate. I totally take full responsibility for this. I should have seen Cartoon Network coming from a mile away.
You wave at every kid you see and have done this since you were old enough to talk. You do this even though only 1 (if even 1) out of 500 kids (you don't know) wave back. ;) That has never stopped you and you didn't let it bother you until just the other day. I don't know if you are extraordinary for doing this, if it's your nature or maybe just your age. I want you to know it's not because they don't like you, it's a sign of the times. Your Mom also did this, just not to every stranger I saw, only in my time things were different and strangers waved back. Most kids don't automatically have a radar that picks up other kids in their near proximity, are most of the time preoccupied and don't see you or are just dumbfounded at your EPIC sweetness.
You are a total social butterfly and talk like it's going out of style. You will literally talk to a rock, wall or tree. I have always loved this about you but it causes Mom to hold her breath when you're at school. Mom also did this too, only I reserved it for people but have been told often by your father that I could strike up a lengthy conversation with a rock myself.
You LOVE super heroes and have 10+ costumes of such. You asked me last night what your super power was. Though my answer didn't please you because I told you of God's gifts he gives individually and you would learn in time what yours was and hopefully would learn how to use it to glorify him.
TIME OUT: Let me explain that Yes, Mom's answers sometimes will seem like total buzz-kills at times. That's because even though I sometime do play along and give you the cool answers that's only because in those times it's appropriate to do so. As much as I'd love to be your playful friend and be six again (you have no idea how much), I'm your Mom and responsible for teaching you things you won't appreciate until you are older. MUCH OLDER. That being said your superpower, among many others which I've already expressed or will get to, is your EPIC long-term memory when it comes to stuff you want to remember. This is also inherited. Only the special few of us out of every generation have it. ;) This will allow you to recall a lot of things other people don't and might want to forget. Use this power carefully my young Padawan.
You have an EPIC heart. Sweet but also very tender and sensitive. You always look for the good in people and when someone doesn't deliver (which all of us never will always deliver, not even yourself) you used to ignore it and go on about your business but now that you're getting older you are realizing this now and you try to talk to them when they disappoint so as to understand them. This is where my familiar phrase of "Dax is my personality on steroids" is often heard. Because your heart is so much sweeter and extroverted than mine ever was but just like you I still look for the good in people and want to be oblivious to the bad. However, though I want to keep you sheltered and innocent, the world is full of mean people and suffering and I'd rather ease you in it than have you sheltered and it smack you in the face later leaving you unprepared to deal with it. For now I'm doing my best to make sure you know you can always come to Mom or Dad. When your old enough to really grasp and understand the Bible, my advice is to look to the Psalms. Read them over and over if you must and still come talk to your Mom/Dad or whomever you feel will help the most.
On the same note as above this year has been a tough year for you. You've been oblivious and happy for the most part but you've also had to learn to live with changes in circumstance. Not only at home, but starting a different school in K-5, surviving this summer, turning 6, starting sports for the 1st time and now 1st grade. You've seen a different parenting style in your Mom than you've been accustomed to. Mom is a little less overbearing, stricter and unrelenting at times and you've had quite the time figuring this out it seems. I'm right there with you kid on this. I see so much of you in me, but there are also so many differences. I'm also becoming more aware of your different circumstances. At first I was overbearing because of our similarities. I expected to know how to raise someone so much like myself. But I didn't take into account your personality differences or the fact that you are not only a 1st born but also an only child. This is where your Dad will probably be the most help. But in the meantime until your Dad's work schedule allows him to be with you more. I'm doing what I think is best. Though Mom spent almost all of her life outnumbered by guys I was never remotely close to being able to think like one. Like any Mom raising a boy it takes trial and error figuring out how to raise a Man. Trying to restrain myself from stopping you from getting hurt isn't like moving a mountain, it's more like picking that mountain up and throwing it. Because my previous need to protect your precious heart from hurt but noticing I might be setting you up for more hurt in the future, I've taken a step back to let you have the chance to be a "little" man and learn for yourself. My change in Motherly restraint has been my superpower this past year.
This year you've become accustomed to seeing Mom with her head on her pillow with her eyes shut and a big ice pack and/or heating pad on top of my head because of some really nasty chronic migraines. Just to prove how sweet your Epic Heart is, you tip-toe very gently to come check on me every 5-10 minutes and put your face right in front of mine without saying a word waiting for me to open my eyes to see you and smile. After I do look at you and smile, you give me a kiss on my head and run out. :) If it wouldn't be considered child abuse, I'd superglue those lips to my forehead. Because no matter how BAD the pain is, in that short kiss on the head I feel complete relief. It's feels as if the Lord himself has just touched my forehead.
Though you are BRAVE when it comes to people, you are actually a very cautious child. You hate loud noises, have to see things done first to make sure the other kids survive - little boy though it may not seem that way, this is wisdom beyond your years. I'm beginning to see this as a blessing. In this sense you are much like your Uncle Brian, your Aunt Diane or your PawPaw Roper. On this we are like North and South Poles. Mom and your Dad was brave to a fault. You might not realize it now, but when you're older and look back your going to think Mom was an adrenaline junkie. You got your first taste of this on your 1st go cart ride with Mom driving with the pedal to the floor the whole 5 laps around the track with the tires screeching around every curve and laughing until I noticed you were holding your ears from the loudness. Yes, maybe a tab bit of an adrenaline junkie would be true if not for you. You've for sure already saved my life since you came along because by now I would have for sure took a free fall out of a plane just for fun and no telling what else. Thank goodness most of the what else came before you were born.
You have an Epic Infectious laugh or giggle that always kicks in high volume right before bedtime. It spills over to me instantly and just makes you laugh harder. Earlier in the year when you were in K-5 I got tickled myself but not wanting to get you too keyed up knowing you'd never get to sleep, I would tell you "okay, we've had our fun now it's bedtime. I was once told I had an infectious laugh and when I lost that laugh or for a while seemed to lose the ability to laugh at all, you were the only one who could give it back to me. So now when it's bedtime and that laugh gets started I never stop it. Even if that means it goes on for an hour.
This year I've seen you get disheartened too easy however are starting to learn that it only takes practice and practice. You are trying a lot of new things. You look at mom throw a football or hit a ball and are frustrated that you don't know how to do that immediately. You are getting tired of hearing "being good at something takes hard work" or "practice makes you better." I also remind you often that Mom has A LOT of years on you and has many of years perfecting hand eye coordination (that's actually starting to go South now) but you usually lose interest and stop paying attention by this time. ;) You even asked me how do I know how to throw a football since I'm a girl! When you're older I'll get to explain that girls love sports too but also that Mom had an older sibling, your uncle Brian, she was constantly trying to keep up with that cut me no slack whatsoever. That yes your Mom played with Barbie dolls and loved to play dress up but also at the same time had a skate board and could do an olie (sp). You will learn that stereotypes are useless. It's never one size fits all.
You wanted a big Birthday Party this year but because your Dad and I are still trying to navigate this new situation, we just weren't able to plan anything that big or invite all your friends whose Birthdays you went to this year in advance. You did not seem to care. Mom took you somewhere big on your day August 1st and the next day your Dad and I took you to Toys R Us (steered you away from the lego aisle that is equivalent to fighting gravity -b/c you have TOO many already) and took you to a 3D movie. It was totally awesome that you not once complained you didn't get the big Birthday you'd been expecting all year!! and as a matter of fact said this is the "BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"
Son, not a day goes by now that I don't get on my knees and pray for your Epic Heart and that it stays that way but also for God to show me the way to raise a Man. All I want is for you to be yourself regardless of what others expect of you. To pick things you like, want to do and do them well. To learn to never give up and keep trying no matter how hard it is to achieve the things you want. Most of all to be a spiritual person and seek you own truths. I was raised in a Christian family but ran the other direction starting at 17. I came back because of what was revealed to me through my own life, through my brothers and through many others. All that I was given, how easily it could be taken away and still was able to see God's presence and him carrying me through it all though I admit that is has been a struggle at times to remember that. Life on this earth will always be more of a struggle than not. I pray that you will see these things yourself.
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| Good thing no advance plans could be made you changed your cake theme 100 times |
At the movies with Dad and I
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| Dancing to the Music/Credits |
