For 6-7 years Clint and I endured the question "So when are y'all going to tie the knot?" (and every imaginable variation). Finally, after marrying we graduated to the question of "when do you guys plan on having a baby?" Then Dax arrived and that of course, lead to the obvious next question of "Do you plan on having more?" or from those who know me well enough to ask "
When are you going to have more?"
I have to admit, when it came to the marriage question I used to get highly annoyed. In my defense, being a total product of my generation, I often felt "why? Why do these people keep hounding me - why do they think for me to have a happy and meaningful life I must settle down and have children." The notion that my life was on stand still until I did so really aggravated me. But, in their defense, after 6 years of dating the same guy, why not go ahead and get married? ha ha. It's not like I was against it, even though I did joke about it from time to time.
Either way, I never handled that question well. Some of those people's comments could be really rude and intrusive. In the end when asked I'd say, "we don't believe in marriage." Or if you got me on a bad day, my answer was much worse: "we plan on living out the rest of our lives in sin!" I know, I know. Totally ridiculous and I severely needed an attitude adjustment over the whole ordeal. Don't worry, I got it. I always get what's coming to me.
After we got hitched it was time for a new repetitive question which is "when do you plan on having a baby" My attitude towards this question was much different. After years of
extremely painful cycles like SEVERE cluster migraines, debilitating cramps, 5 lbs water weight gain (sometimes more) for a week, ankle pain and lethargy. I was aware that I could have problems with getting pregnant. I had never done the procedures to make sure or prove this, but most of the females on one side of the family had to have hystorectomies within one or two years of the age I was at that time. With my problems, I was sure that I would be just like them. So when Clint and I got ready, I went straight to the Doc to make sure those worries weren't valid. Due to a small thyroid problem and the need to see an Endocrinologist it was a total of 6 months before I was even allowed to see if those problems existed much less get pregnant.
You'd think I would have dreaded the baby question. On the contrary. I'd would talk to anybody that would listen. I think I needed that. I needed to hear their thoughts and I definitely needed their prayers because I was one basket case. I woke up obsessed and concerned with fear over not being able to get pregnant - I went to bed obsessed with the same. It was not a fun time in my life. Finally I had an HSG and found out that everything was in perfect working order. It was such a relief. That left me with only one problem to overcome. Easy fix with Clomid (fertility drug) and 3 months later we were over the moon with a Big Fat Positive pee stick.
So that leaves us with a new question to be brought up in small talk and asked by everyone and their mother. "Do you want more? When do you plan on having more? With this question I'm so much more laid back. I never mind being asked. I know people are curious, and so am I when it comes to other people and myself. Admit it, it's a fun question to ask.
The only problem is, that though some of us know how to answer, it's not the answer people are expecting but really should. So, if you are one of those that have been wondering (like so many here lately). I thought I'd go ahead and formally answer this one here and now. Plus, my short answer can being confusing and probably quite awkward for the person asking. I don't know why, it's not at all awkward for me. I think they feel they should pity me or something, but they really shouldn't.
drum roll please....
The answer... to the burning question...will Clint and Teri give it another go?
ANSWER: I DON'T KNOW. The truth is, is that Clint and I want another child - we'd take as many as we're blessed with. However, there is only one person that knows the answer and so far he's not telling. ;o)
Over a year ago, I went on Clomid for 3 months. Things weren't so easy that time around. The serious Clomid side effects were so bad that I wasn't in the mood to do anything. I didn't even put up my Christmas tree from the lethargy. The mood swings were so bad that I couldn't even stand to sit in the room with myself. So I stopped the Clomid and decided that if we are to have another, it's going to be without the help of fertility drugs. Which did happen one time, but sadly ended in a miscarriage.
Now that's where the pity from other folks might come in. To them it seems as if we are trying but are unsuccessful and are sad about it. What they don't understand is that Clint and I have made peace with the possibility of not having another.
We'd feel wrong and selfish for getting bummed out if we're not able to have another one. God gave us Dax and he is more than we could have imagined so, that being said we are truly - TRULY blessed. If God sees fit to bless us again, we will be ecstatic. We don't expect it, but we wouldn't be surprised either. Who are we to know what his plan is for us.
That's what's most important. His plan. I trust that he knows what's best for our lives in serving his purpose and knowing that, gives me all the peace in the world.
I do have to say, most graciously, THANK YOU for all of those who are sharing your stories and pictures on Facebook and Blogger. It seems as if every time I log on, someone else is pregnant. I have a sister-in-law and two cousins who are also prego. You'd think I'd be kinda of jealous - jealous may not be the right word, maybe sad. Totally happy for their blessing but sad because it's a reminder. Surprisingly I'm not. I'm having so much fun going through this wonderful time in all your lives that it's as if I'm living vicariously through you for a couple of minutes a day. It's good medicine for the babyitis. They are so sweet.
Only I don't have the sleep depravity, crazy hormones that takes a year to go back to normal and all the other fun stuff that comes along postpartum. ;o) It brightens my day. There are so many new babies to go nuts over. And of course IF in a couple of years we never do get our 2nd - there's always adoption. There is a calling for adoptive parents, and right now I don't feel that calling myself. But as we all know, time changes everything.
There may be a time where we want to go all out and give fertility a try, a decent try this time but right now we just aren't there. So for now, we don't try but we don't prevent.
I would ask you to keep us in your prayers, but I'd rather you pray for those who have no children and are going through infertility. It is a really REALLY painful thing to deal with. Just the scare of it for 6 months was enough for me. There are those who have been trying for years. Infertility seems rampant this day in age, and though there are amazing doctors and procedures to overcome it, it's still not 100% guarantee. Invitro doesn't always work. Most people who haven't gone through infertility really aren't able to sympathize. Often they think, "why don't they just adopt." But like I said, adoption isn't for everyone. Plus there is something about not being able to have your own child that makes most women feel like... well... not a woman. So again, keep them in your prayers.
For now we have a fast growing little man that does more than enough to fill my time and keep us occupied. I can't believe he was once so small. I also can't believe he's 2 and a half with 3 just around the corner It is coming too fast.
I kind of went crazy with the picture adding to this post, but I couldn't help it. Where did the time go!!??
February's Run Down Post is coming, just got to add pictures. It used to not take so long, but these days with D's help, it takes much much longer .
